ACCEPTING THE OTHER
After a recent Sunday service, one member told me that it was one of the best they ever attended, then another expressed it was one of the worst they experienced. How could two well-manning intelligent adults see the same thing so differently?
Clearly these perspectives must be linked to their past experiences. For one, something was said or shown during the service which, because of some past experience, prompted the feeling of delight and satisfaction, and for the other something was said or shown that, because of some past events,
triggered the feeling of being upset or disgusted.
Did either have control over their past experiences? Probably not. Where they lived, the community they were part of, their family, who and what they were exposed to, all shaped their opinions, likes and dislikes. Their viewpoints were also influenced by fear, trauma as well as past experiences of happiness.
While both individuals had completely opposite opinions of that service, they do have some things in common. Their persistent attendance shows that they most definitely agree on the value of our congregation and what it represents. It is also clear that each passionately cares about the welfare of our nation, and each unquestionably cares for their family.
Our fourth principle starts with “Acceptance of one another” and it’s one of the toughest, because since my opinion is ok, someone who sees things completely differently must be not ok. The process of accepting another is a constant challenge. Try this exercise: Think of someone you do not like –pause. Now think of two things they do that you can’t stand – pause. What are two possible past experiences that could have caused them to be the way they are? – pause. What are two things you have in common? – pause. Think of two things about them that are good?
A proven principle for success in conflict resolution is identifying and accepting something about the other side. It’s also a practice that paves the way for inner tranquility and resilience.
-Markly Wilson