Tell Them While They Can Hear You

We are grieving the loss of Robin, whose steady, quiet presence was part of the fabric of our congregation. Since his passing, I have come to appreciate more fully a gift of his that I had not sufficiently recognized: his ability to listen, observe, and notice needs that had gone unacknowledged or unanswered.

Robin would quietly bring things to my attention such as a concern someone had expressed, a frustration that had been overlooked, or a need that no one seemed to be addressing. He was as extremely quiet as his antenna was extremely alert. Because he noticed, I was prompted to reach out, acknowledge someone’s concern, and respond to something I would otherwise have missed.

I wish I had told him how much I valued that gift. Is there someone in your life whose kindness has meant more to you than you have ever expressed. We feel appreciation and assume the person knows. We intend to say something but wait for a better moment. Meanwhile, kindness becomes familiar, a quiet contribution becomes expected, and our gratitude remains unspoken. 

Who makes your life better simply by being in it? Who remembers to call, notices when you are missing, makes room for you, or brings humor to a difficult day? Perhaps someone offered a few words years ago that still give you courage, without ever knowing you remember. Imagine what it might mean for that person to hear: “You may not realize this, but something you did has stayed with me.”

 As November invites us to reflect on gratitude, let’s give that gratitude a voice. When we describe a particular kindness and what it meant to us, we help someone see the difference they have made. We may also fortify a part of them that they themselves have overlooked or doubted. 

I invite you to choose one person and tell them something you value about them. Write a note, make a call, send a text, speak to them after a service or send a text. It need not be eloquent. It needs only to be sincere and specific: “This is what you did, and this is what it meant to me.”

Even now, Robin is helping us notice something we might otherwise have missed: the opportunity to turn quiet appreciation into words someone can carry with them. Who comes to mind for you? Before thought slips away, reach out and give them the chance to know how much they matter.

–Markly Wilson